you know you have a 3 yr old...

you know you have a 3 year old when there are chee-to fingerprints on the toilet paper roll.

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Sweet pea.

micah-ism

me: what are you doing?!
micah: i'm just licking her like a lion.

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5lbs.

While waiting for Grayson to come home I heard the question,

"When will she come home? When she's 5 lbs?"

approximately eleventy billion times. Apparently, there used to be an imaginary rule that said that babies were allowed home from the NICU once they hit 5 lbs.

I would then internally roll my eyes and respond with, "She has to hit certain milestones, like being able to eat without a tube and such. I have no earthly idea. Stop freaking asking me."

Grayson ended up coming home at 4lbs 2.5oz. W

e were clearly thrilled to have her home and that she could suck, swallow and breathe on her own, hold her own body temperature up, and keep a steady pulse and respiratory rate. 2 weeks later she is now up to 4lbs 13oz and it's been a slow road getting there. We have to fortify the breastmilk that we give her so that it has more calories, she is only allowed to nurse once a day, her formula* has to be mixed to a different concentration than on the packaged to make it more calories, and she has to have a hat on 99% of the time so she doesn't waste energy keeping warm, we limit her stimulation so that she can sleep, and we wake her every 2.5-3 hours to feed her. This can be tiring... especially on no sleep. My routine at night is this:

3:00am wake up

3:05 prepare bottle (This includes fortifying whatever breastmilk I have and adding it to a bottle, and then mixing up formula* to top the bottle off.)

3:05-3:30 feed grayson

3:30-3:35 settle grayson back down to sleep

3:35-4:00 pump

repeat again at 5:30. and 8 other times throughout the day. How do I have time to eat? pee? or, ya know, interact with my other kid?!?!

So, I was at my doctor yesterday getting diagnosed with MRSA in my boob, and walking pneumonia and my doctor was asking me about what she weighed when she came home. I told her and she said, "Did you know they used to not let babies out until they were 5 lbs?" I let her know that, in fact, I had heard that mentioned before. She said that she disagreed with them changing the rule because it's so hard on moms to get such little sleep for such a long amount of time. Most people deal with the newborn phase for 12ish weeks, but with a preemie you get the regular newborn phase for 12 weeks in addition to your bonus "preemie time." (Which for us is 8 weeks. When G was in the NICU I was still waking up every 3 hours to pump.) Bodies aren't made to go for 20 weeks with 1.5 hours of sleep at a time.

When she first said this my response was, "Ya, but it's better for the moms that they're home!" Now that I've had today to think about it, as well as the hours of 3-4, 5:30-6:30, so on and so forth, I think there may be some truth to it. I may worry slightly less about her if she was 5 lbs and a bit heartier/could sleep longer stretches, but a 6 week NICU stay would probably wreck me so badly emotionally that it's not worth it. There really is no perfect solution. And since you have suffered through that long tirade, here is a picture of the sweetest girl out there!

*Note: Grayson doesn't digest normal formula and immediately spits it back up. Instead of the $1 \oz formula, she needs the $2/oz formula. We know what Santa is buying her this year.)

Survival mode.

just when I thought we were out of "Survival Mode," we enter it again. We are hanging in there, and even have a smile on most of the time, but holy cow we are struggling to find our footing.

Micah is a whiny wreck, and everything is a negotiation.

Grayson is just tiny, and the amount of anxiety I carry over her is overwhelming at times.

I'm sick. Again.

Brian is tired, and stressed from work and home.

I think everyone needs a nap.

and maybe a snack.

and maybe some valium.

e! true hollywood story

while nursing baby g i have been watching e! true hollywood story. i have learned a few things about some of my favorite stars.
1. i love taylor swift more than i did before watching ths.
2. snooki and i graduated high school the same year. we are the same age!

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Our new normal.

Grayson is home!
We are taking some time finding a new normal and learning about our girl. I am exhausted, happy, overwhelmed, and busy!

Micah has yet to make it to preschool on time. He likes his sleep too! Also, grayson eats at 9 and i have to pump for her all at the same time. Never mind the fact that we've done this pump and eat thing at 6, 3, and midnight too!

Last wednesday We got the news that grayson could come home the next day. The nicu moves quick! I was dealing with a bad bout of mastitis and fortunately was able to get antibiotics from my ob on that wednesday too. We spent the night at the hospital with grayson on wednesday night (while i had 102 fever, and aching joints all the way down to my toes) and brought her home on thursday.

She sleeps a lot and we need to wake her up to eat every 3 hours. She weighs 4lb 3oz and needs to wear a hat to help keep her body temp up. She wears preemie sized clothes and is wrapped in a blanket most of the time too. Micah is just smitten with her. Brian and i think she's pretty great too! ;)

big girl bed!

miss grayson is getting big! she started to drink bottles of breastmilk and she got moved out of her isolette and into a regular newborn bassinet! so, basically all she has left to do is to take all of her feedings by bottle or boob and she is outta there!

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